Ode to an Underwriter

One of the things that I do at the beginning of every year is to go through my desk and bookshelves and get rid of stuff that I haven’t looked at in ages.  Hey, if I haven’t touched it for 2 years, I probably don’t need it any more. 

But every once in a while, I discover something that is relevant again.   It’s a book that was written in 1999 called The Lighter Side of Lending (Gordon Schlicke), with funny stories and quotes about the mortgage business.   Over the next few months, I will be sharing some of his articles with you. 

Here’s a poem that appears in his book!

An Underwriters’ Ode

I never met a guideline

That I didn’t like.

Investors have been changing them,

Since I was a little tike.

Credit and appraisal

Lots of verifications,

Always looked to me,

Like religious revelations.

When all is said and done,

And the file is complete,

Weighs twenty-seven pounds

And the data is replete.

There must be something missing,

My job it is to seek,

That final piece of paper,

That last misdoubted tweak.

I find it in the guidelines,

That vague, mysterious book,

And turn in every file,

With an over-finished look.